Circle around you

Want to be inherit traits of the people you want to be like? Its usually all to do with you you are hanging around with.

It is said many times by psychologists that you are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with.

They determine which conversations dominate your attention. Say your best friend is mad about The Rolling Stones (TRS). Your brain will prioritise this and will funnel data searching for TRS. Say your in a crowded room, everybody speaking the same volume, and somebody says your name, you will more than likely hear it. Because although you might be having your own conversation, and not concentrating on what everybody else is saying, your bran will be constantly searching for key words, your name obviously being one of them.

This is the same for things that are constantly said to you, or take up a chunk of your life, so your friends obsession with TRS, will slowly implant itself in you. This can show that you start to become like the 5 people you spend less time, but this isn’t the only reason, there are LOADS!

Say you are introverted person, who likes football. You are 16 and are re-locating to a new school. You find a group of new friends who become your best friends, but they’re really outgoing and extroverted, you become friends because of your common like of football. In no time, you would be extroverted and outgoing. Now this isn’t to say that your brain chemical levels decided at birth change, but your mental structure alters to this new environment, because your brain is so fucking clever and adapts to new environments very very quickly.

Think about going from a sauna to an ice bath, your body would adapt within seconds, pushing your veins closed to the core of your body, further from your skin, to try keep your blood temperate stable.

This has gone off topic a bit, but it shows how much your body can adapt to your surroundings. So this can be used to our advantage. Say you want to be out going, but your friends are all book worms who aren’t very good at socialising, but you’ve got that desire to be able to talk to people. Start to hang around with people who can do this better.

If you want to be an entrepreneur, hang around with people who own their own business, or who are managers, or who are outgoing.


Some good advice I once heard was this:

  • 33% of your time should be spent with people who have less than you.
  • 33% should be spent with people with similar skills to you.
  • 33% should be spent with people who have more than you.

The first 33%: should be spent with people who have less than you

This 33% of your time should be with people you get to teach. These people will be looking to you for advice in particular skill areas. So why is this important, when you can teach somebody else, it consolidates your knowledge, making you have a fully in-depth understanding.

The second 33%: should be spent with people with similar skills to you

These are the people you will be growing with, they will have a similar set of skills and you will be bouncing constructively with. They will push you, spur you on, be excited when you achieve and be very appreciative when you do the same with them. When working in a group of likemindedness, productivity sky-rockets, so keep these people close when working hard.

The third 33%: should be spent with people who have more than you

These are the people you will learn from. The people who have more than you, who have had a lot more experiences and have the traits and personas you want to achieve. No matter what age you are, you should always be learning, there are always going to be problems to solve and adaptions that can be made.

This is often the hardest 33% as you will have to find mentors who actually have time. Usually the people who you want to be your mentor are out doing great shit, hence why you want them to be your mentors. The best way to do this is to have these people as your friends, as they will be spending your down time with you, so they don’t need to put time aside for mentorship.

Actions to take away

Start to categorise your friends and peers into these groups of 33%, think of people who you want to be like, who want to be like you, and who are heading in the same direction as, and start to interact with them.

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